I feel as if I am just now begining to discover who I really am.

Emotions are nothing more or less than biochemical signals spashing around in this peice of meat between my ears. I've always believed that. I spent a great deal of time and effort distancing myself from my own emotions in an attempt to get at what was real, to pure intellect.

I knew that there was no God, no ultimate purpose. I studied the works of the human mind, trying to understand how people could live with this knowledge. What I found was illusion. Patheticly transparent attempts to fend of the darkness of the void. Compulsive head-in-the-sand-ing. The more I looked, the less I found.

Void.

Only slowly did I let myself feel. Slowly, painfully.

Now I know that those bio-chemical signals spashing around in my brain are the only human things that are *real*. All things conceived by the human mind, however complex, wonderous, awful or awsome are essentialy without meaning. Let's put that another way: all things conceived by the human mind have, at the very root of their genesis, simple human emotion. Emotions are honest reactions to the environment. Primordial input. There is no reason for this primordial input. It simply *is*.

All of the answers to every question that anyone ever asked, or ever could ask, are all around us. We're just afraid to look. You want to know the secret of the universe? Stop running. However afraid you are, open your eyes. Look around you. Look inside yourself. Feel. Be.

Love is basic. No-one wants to be hurt. Everyone knows what it is like to be hurt. In a basic human community, all burdens are shared. We know that there are those who understand. Pain is lessened. Joy is increased.

[Sept 17, 2001]